Justice

 

    Consciously or not, we're living in an era of a lot of slander. When hating, someone easily makes accusations that don't even match the facts. Honestly I feel very disappointed with humans. I don't feel like the best, I just don't like their behavior. Dishonesty, injustice and slander easily come out of their mouths. Satisfaction as if they could after accusing others and seeing them tormented. From there I really understand, it turns out that lust, emotion and malice of the heart can cause destruction.

  I just realized the meaning of "slander is more cruel than murder". It turned out to be as terrible as the effect of slander. Recently I also experienced slander. From people who never even interacted with me. I never bothered them, never talked about them and never touched their lives. Until finally I tried to clarify, and I realized that there was no way I could make everyone believe. And other people easily slander me just because they are jealous of what I have.

   Not only that, I am very sad and concerned about the environment around me and the news on social media. Why did they have to fake the news? Why do they have to make up a fact just because of money, position and so on? At first I wondered why no one dared to speak up to ask for justice? Both personal and group. But in the end, a few incidents also made me realize. There are some people who try to speak up personally, but end up being punished (even though they are just expressing their opinion). There're some people who try to speak up and demo as a group, and even then sometimes they are not heard. Then, what about the slogan of social justice for all Indonesian people? Is it still valid?

  It's hard to live in today's world. Which is when we speak up we are actually punished by the law or manipulated, if we don't speak up it says "no one is speaking up". Well, healthy?

    I often encounter things like that both in my school circle, environment, workplace and also my own country. Starting from my friends who were bullied at school, they did not dare to report or speak up and then they became depressed themselves. And sadly no other friends helped and defended him, they just watched the bullying casually. My co-workers' lies just because they were jealous or didn't want to be competed for promotions ended up being slanderous, and sometimes the boss doesn't really see what's right and what's wrong. And in the neighborhood where I live, I feel lazy to talk. Because it is so difficult to make them understand our communication and their stubborn nature. Anything will be done to look stunning. Even if you're making up stories. I am even more surprised, how much they love the world. And lastly, I often saw the news on TV that a grandmother who took cassava leaves in the garden was sentenced to several years in prison. While there is someone who commits a more severe legal act, but sometimes only sentenced to a reduced sentence. The more I do not understand the law.

 Speaking of slander and manipulation, I remember a hadith about an era in which a lot of slander will appear. Prophet Muhammad SAW has narrated that in fact one of the signs of the Hour is the occurrence of great slander that causes confusion between right or truth and falsehood or error. The slander and trials experienced by Muslims are no longer personal and group, but have become collectively felt by all people. A very powerful slander when a lie is believed by many people to be the truth and the truth is actually judged as a lie or a hoax, and I have encountered this a lot. May Allah Azza wa Jalla give guidance to all of us to stay istiqamah on the path that has been set by the Shari'ah. Don't despair, try earnestly, ask Allah for help and don't be weak. Even though you haven't received knowledge today, then continue to devote your efforts on the second, third, fourth day, a year, two years and so on.

Pelajaran Sesungguhnya

 

   Berawal dari rasa kecewaku dengan dunia dan seisinya, menuntunku menemukan hal yang sama sekali tidak pernah terfikir akan menjadi jawaban dari pertanyaanku selama ini tentang hidup. Banyaknya ketidakadilan, hal-hal kurang baik dan beberapa yang tak perlu diungkap. Sempat ingin menjadi biasa saja karena tidak terlalu menaruh harap pada dunia yang ternyata fana. I call myself an adventurer, tapi sayangnya aku bukan traveler keren yang menjajaki banyak wilayah mengelilingi dunia. Maybe for that I'm still trying my best, karena keingin tahuanku terhadap dunia masih ada. Dan keinginanku untuk belajar dari berbagai penjuru negeri juga masih tersisa. 

   Aku bukan orang yang pandai dalam berbagai bidang, tapi aku sangat antusias untuk belajar banyak hal. Sampai akhirnya aku sadar bahwa ternyata pelajaran yang sesungguhnya adalah proses perjalananku sendiri. Aku tidak pernah tahu sampai kapan aku hidup, tapi kesimpulan yang aku dapet setelah beberapa kali belajar dan mencari. Sebaik-baiknya hidup adalah hidup yang digunakan dengan hal-hal yang bermanfaat. Aku sangat mempercayai akan hal tersebut, karena kalau dipikir-pikir terkadang aku bertanya buat apa Tuhan menciptakan dunia dan makhluk-makhluk didalamnya? Setelah aku belajar dan sedikit demi sedikit aku pahami dan cari maknanya, memang benar tujuannya adalah agar mereka beribadah dan mempergunakan waktunya dengan penuh manfaat. Dan kesimpulan yang aku ambil, manusia dihidupkan di bumi sama halnya dengan anak yang dimasukkan orangtuanya ke jenjang pendidikan. Setelah itu mereka diajarkan banyak mata pelajaran, diberikan ujian dan saat jatah sekolah mereka sudah menuju finish mereka akan menerima raport yang menunjukkan nilai yang mereka capai selama mereka di sekolah. Begitu juga manusia, dihidupkan, diberi banyak pelajaran hidup dan diberi banyak ujian. Jadi jangan heran jika kita mendapatkan hal-hal yang terkadang membuat kita sakit, karena yang harus kita ingat bahwa dunia adalah tempatnya ujian. Setelah kematian kita akan dimintai pertanggung jawaban atas apa yang telah kita lakukan selama di dunia. 

  Atas dasar tersebut aku menjadi bersemangat lagi untuk terus menuntut ilmu, bedanya kali ini niatku bukan untuk membuat dunia atau manusia kagum terhadap aku. Melainkan karena aku sadar masih banyak hal yang harus diperbaiki. Aku ingin memanfaatkan apa yang aku punya, apa yang aku bisa untuk berbagi kepada orang lain. Tanpa disadari aku merasa nyaman ketika berbagi ilmu kepada banyak orang. Itu yang menjadikan aku selalu bersemangat untuk belajar setiap harinya dan selalu merasa haus akan ilmu. 

    Ilmu yang aku maksud mencakup banyak hal, bukan hanya tentang bidang pendidikan atau akademik. Melainkan pelajaran dunia yang berguna baik ketika hidup atau sesudah kematian. Aku ingin belajar menjadi manusia yang baik, walaupun aku tahu kalau dosaku masih sangat banyak. Tapi aku bersyukur, banyaknya hal yang menjadikan aku tersadar bahwa tujuan hidup adalah untuk menjadi manusia yang baik.

Word to World

   

 Travel around the world..

    I am 23 years old. But for me age is not a race to stop learning. Yep, I'm an adventurer. I'm always interested in learning new things, new cultures and a lot of knowledge in the world that I really want to learn. I want to travel the world as a hijab traveler.

    I am very interested in learning languages, because it is supported by my educational background, namely literature. I didn't even know at that time the reason why I entered the literature department. But instead I found something I had never thought of there. I found a way of thinking, how to solve problems and how to live mingle with many people from different backgrounds. Some are rude, brave, intelligent, cowardly, lazy, etc. I found it in college. I am aware that schools, colleges and places of education are not only a means of learning science subjects and obligations in the world of education. But the place where we process and think becomes a human who understands knowledge. Even though I know and I realize that a person's ability to think is still dominated by the individual person. But by going to college, it made me a world literate person. I used to always think that I was superior, I could do everything and I was the best. Until finally I realized that my arrogance only applies in my own cage. And when I got out of the cage and looked at the world that was very, very wide that I hadn't even really explored yet, suddenly I shrunk. I just realized that I am nothing. I'm only a small number of people who understand insight, not fully. And I realize that I have very little knowledge.

     Slowly but surely I became a human full of high curiosity. Not curiosity about the affairs of other people's lives, but curiosity about the knowledge that exists in the world. I'm even still looking for the meaning of a thing, let alone a thing, even a word I still want to understand more deeply. Because what I know is that studying theory and action are two different things. I want to gain knowledge about the world with action, so that I can understand its meaning in depth and be able to explain it in detail. Even other people can't explain it.

   I have learned a lot from life. I meet many every day. About human nature, nature and the world. I am very interested in learning many things, be it religion, natural science, language etc. It's not that I think I can do it all, but it's my passion and enthusiasm that wants it all. I never even expected human praise, what I need is to fulfill my desire to always learn as long as I live.

      I once read a hadith about studying and seeking knowledge. From the Prophet Muhammad who in one hadith once said: 

"Whoever wants worldly affairs, then it is obligatory for him to be knowledgeable.

   And whoever wants the affairs of the hereafter (safe in the hereafter) then it is obligatory for him to have knowledge as well. And whoever wants both, let him have knowledge of them too." (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim) and

Whoever follows a path in order to seek knowledge, Allah will make it easy for him the path to heaven…” (HR Ahmad).

Regarding the virtue of seeking knowledge on this one, in the Qur'an Allah SWT says:

 "Allah raises those who believe among you and those who are given knowledge to several degrees." (Al-Mujlah: 11). 

    In fact, I also just found out that seeking knowledge has a reward that will continue to flow even though we have died. And because of that, I'm also increasingly excited to always learn and balance this world and the hereafter.

   Regarding my dreams to travel the world and learn about cultures in various parts of the world, now I may only be able to see places in other parts of the world through social media, but I am sure that soon I will see the vastness of the real world. I believe that one day I can turn a piece of writing into the world. My dream is still long in this life, and I hope that there are still many people who have dreams and try to make them come true. May Allah always ease your good dreams.

Empathy for Trauma

 I've always heard the word trauma. But I don't really understand what it means. Until finally the journey of my life gave its own trauma for my life. I never underestimate the issue of trauma. Because I feel that small things can actually be resolved with a little discussion, or understanding. Makes me judge people too ridiculous and exaggerate easily call himself traumatized.

   Actually I don't underestimate people who have trauma. It's just that because there are so many trivial things that little by little diagnosing himself experiencing trauma, it makes me feel like I underestimated it. I know how hard it is for people who are traumatized. And this time I feel it. The problems with my parents and my previous relationship made me afraid to get married. At first I thought "oh this is normal, it will be gone soon. I just need to adjust and get used to it". But over time, the fear of men, the fear of being betrayed, the fear of being unappreciated made me really overthinking. And finally made me choose a safe path to live my own life first, before finally I found a man who was really able to make me believe that he was the right person.

  I didn't even realize that my fear was a trauma that I experienced in the process of my life. It wasn't easy. And I never told anyone that I was traumatized in a relationship. Because I don't think everyone understands how we feel, and we can't make everyone care about us.

  I don't even know how long this trauma will go away. Amazingly, I also never had the slightest feeling of returning after the failure of my relationship in the past. But I always try so that all my fears will end soon. And since then I started to really want to help the people around me who are experiencing trauma. I just want to share my sympathy and empathy with them. Because I know it feels bad when we need the care and sensitivity of others, but what we get are words that we don't expect at all.

  I am also concerned about the lack of empathy of people these days. Who never thinks about other people's feelings, doesn't care about other people's adversity. I really really regret that.

All is Well

 The thing that makes me always silent on what I feel, because I understand very well how people will respond. It's not overthinking, but I've really memorized it. And they will make me "dull old stuff" when I try to tell them how I feel. And then, I prefer to be silent, and sometimes I share what I feel with people who think "oh I believe this person". I'm just afraid of being disappointed by the response of other people who sometimes don't want to think openly, afraid of getting sick.

  Fragile? No. Just be more careful in doing things for now. The more I know more about the world, the more disappointed I feel. There are many lies that I should not know, but I was forced to know them. There is regret, there is relief. I'm sorry that sometimes some things in the world that I admire are just manipulative, not real. And my relief is because I know the truth, and it doesn't take me long to be lulled by the beauty of the world.

  I was angry with God for everything that happened in my life. My journey, my problems, my environment and so on. But, behind it all, I'm not the type of person who is really hard at thinking. I'm pretty clear in my thoughts when I'm alone. I know that God has given me all trials because God knows that I am capable, yes, at least this is like disgusting words and very false when people say that they are carried away by emotions. But I believe in that, I believe that my trials are revenge for my mistakes in the world and a field of reward for me when I am able to go through them sincerely. Even though it's undeniable, there are times when I cry and the only words I can say are "why am I feeling all this? I don't want to".

  I don't even know what the real state of my heart is. Broken or still working. I've been in a lot of pain, but I know that there are people out there who are sicker than me. So I am ashamed if I have to feel that I am the one who is hurt the most. Because the pain I feel in life is still small compared to people out there. And the embarrassing news is that they can still be grateful and laugh, while I complain. Bad!!

   Since I was a child, I have often seen my parents fighting. I am required to be a perfect child. Smart, can do this or that, independent. Even though inside me, there is a pain that I can't explain to anyone. Even the feeling of pain has become a part of me because I have been holding it all by myself for so long. My father always demanded that I be a smart, polite child, should be kind to everyone and I was demanded to always be disciplined in various things and even in relationships. That's what makes me different from my other friends. And my mother always demands that I be a strong woman which sometimes I can't even stop crying but my mother always says, and to this day I still remember her words "You have to be a strong woman. Don't want to be humiliated by men. you have to be independent you have to be able to do anything yourself. don't cry"

   I know that my parents' upbringing is correct, they want their children to be good. But it turns out that the older I get, the more I feel that my family harmony is different. I used to cry when I found out that my mother and father were going to divorce. I'm afraid to say I don't have a father. I am afraid that my mother will be burdened with making a living on her own. I was embarrassed, and even then I was still in elementary school and those things made me afraid that my parents would be separated. But as I grew older, every time I heard them fighting, it ended with the decision to separate. I just always say "it's okay, if it's for the best, it's better to separate. I just don't want them to continue in a relationship with feelings that are equally burdened. If that makes my father and mother happy, why not?" I'm an adult, and I know very well how my mother feels. My mother is really angry with me about trivial things, but behind it all I'm really proud of my mother. My mother only graduated from elementary school, very different from what she gave me until I could become a graduate. But my mother's persistence, her patience, her independence made me proud. My mother is not tech savvy, but she is very smart in kitchen matters. The food that my mother cooks is always a lot of bargaining to buy. Finally we opened a small catering to fulfill my mother's hobby. My mother is also a very clean person, my mother is the most angry when the house is dirty. Yes, that's mom. I love him so much.

    I believe in life, not everything goes smoothly. For example, I think. I was born in a very affluent family, I never even felt deprived. I have what my friends don't have. My father works in an electricity company in a neighboring country with a position and salary that can be considered large. I'm lucky. But like I said, not all life goes smoothly. Because I want my family to be together, my family is harmonious, I ask my father to resign and I promise to fulfill the needs of our family life. I work, I can't stand to see them living apart for years.

   Until finally when I have entered the world of work and fulfill household needs. I was surprised, with my income which is much different from my father's so far. It turns out that what I produce is less. My family and I are used to living with no small needs. It's not that we splurge, but we do have a lot of basic needs. So far, we have never had a hard time with this budget. But because my income, which can be said to only touch the minimum wage, can't cover my family's needs.

    Sad? Obviously I'm sad. I know what it's like to be the backbone of the family. Maybe for those who live simply, the UMR is quite a number and very sufficient. While in my family the value of 5 million / month is very minus. But, I always feel proud because I have never complained in front of my parents about finances. I always try because I realize that all this time my life has been very sufficient for them since I was little.

  I don't know what will happen next, but I believe whatever I do now will definitely pay off one day. I am grateful for the trials in my life. I know it hurts, but it made me feel confident that I'm cool. Maybe not all children will be strong to be me, maybe not all children will remain calm with family conditions that are not harmonious like me.

Solitude is My Ninja Way

Lepas ..

Untuk seseorang yang pernah begitu kupahami, maaf kalau harus menyebutkan kata-kata ‘pernah’. Karena memang pernah dan kini tak lagi. Ada sebuah batas transparan dari dirimu yang kini tak pernah bisa kusentuh. Arena khusus yang tak lagi menyertakan aku dalam arenanya. 

Pikiranmu yang tak bisa lagi kuterka akan kemana tujuannya. Ada banyak hal sederhana yang kini berformula jadi rumit. Dan seolah-olah perubahan-perubahan ini membuat kita saling menyalahkan diri sendiri. Bukan salahmu, jika ada yang harus selesai di antara kita. Bukan salahku, jika tak bisa lagi meneruskan setiap rasa pertama kali yang pernah kita bagi. Ini hanya cara kita belajar bahwa memang perlu ada yang berubah. Dan biarkan waktu yang mengajari kita untuk menerimanya, ya? 

Aku undur diri, atas segala rasa yang nantinya bisa memperburuk kondisi hati. Aku undur diri

untuk menitipkan lagi segala rasa yang pernah dimintamu dulu. Aku undur diri untuk segala masa depan yang dulu pernah kita impi-impikan. Langkahku pelan-pelan menjauh, mungkin kenangan akan begitu riuh, tapi takkan membuat beberapa luka semakin melepuh. 

Maaf jika aku tak mampu lagi bertahan, dan maaf jika aku secepat ini melepaskan. Namun hal-hal pahit, harus kau cicipi lebih dulu agar kau tahu apa rasanya manis. Sesendok pelajaran sedang kita lahap bersama-sama, tentang kenyataan bahwa tak seharusnya lagi kita bersama.

 Lepaslah dengan rela. Karena suatu hari, kita akan sama-sama tersenyum mengingat hari ini. Memasuki pekarangan hatimu adalah cara terbaik mengenal cinta. Dan mengundurkan diri adalah satu-satunya hal yang paling tepat untuk menjauh dari pergerakan luka. Kita akan baik-baik saja :)